I’m 37.5 weeks pregnant with a baby girl, Edith Zoe. I’ve had a great pregnancy (if you don’t count the dreadful 6 weeks of constant nausea and quite a bit of required sleeping). I went to Pilates until 36 weeks when I started to become less mobile and walk a lot. I still have my ankles and the weight gain is all baby. Working until this point hasn’t been an issue.
Yesterday was my last day at work for 5 months. FIVE MONTHS. I haven’t had this much time away from some kind of employment responsibility since I started working at 14. I like working. It is part of my sense of self and identity. I’m lucky to work in an area – and have a job – I love, collaborating with smart people who want to make great things.
At the end of my maternity leave – at this stage – Edie will go to a daycare which is very close to my work. I toured several local places and this one was the only one I’d be happy to go to myself. They have great facilities, a chef, well trained staff and it looks very well set up. A friend’s son goes there and adores it so much he’d rather go there than have a day off with his aunt to go to the zoo.
That should be the end of the conversation, because we have done a lot of research and we have a plan for how to move forward just as we would for any other aspect of our lives. However this is where people (you?) interfere: “But you’re having a baby. Things will have to change!”. “You won’t be back in 5 months. You’ll want to stay at home with your daughter.” “Work is just a job.” “Why have a baby if you’re just going to get someone else to take care of her?” (Or even less friendly ways of saying these things.)
None of these people are my husband, the only person who has a say in how our daughter’s care will be managed by us – her parents.
Of course things will change when we meet our baby! I may want to stay at home with my daughter – or I may continue to feel that she is better taken care of by a professional while I go and be a professional myself. Happy parent, happy child is our current parenting objective – and if it doesn’t play out like we hope, then we’ll change and adapt to do what is best for our family.
In my less emotional moments about this topic – one that I didn’t really expect to have to litigate so frequently – I know that some of this comes down to comparing choices. This is what I’m doing, so this is what I expect you to do. I would feel better if you were doing something more along the lines of what I expect of someone in your situation. This is what we have chosen for our family and what you are talking about doing is different to that.
Pregnancy has been a constant stream of decisions right from the start, from the important to the mundane. Doctor or midwife? Screening? What stroller to buy? Where will the baby sleep? What colour will her room be?
This is no different. It is no less our decision to make than any of the others. The only way forward is for us to be firm about our choices and as equally firm in the knowledge that it is up to us to manage or change what we have decided to do.